So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
