I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
