Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
