Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
