Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
