so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
