Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
