Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
