My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
