I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
