I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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