Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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