Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
