he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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