I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
