my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
