Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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