The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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