Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
