I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
