so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
