I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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