Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
