I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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