i think my tv is drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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