I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
