New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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