I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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