I faked an abortion last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
