Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I did not marry a roomba.
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