i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
