Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
