No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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