For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
