I wannas sexs uuuuu
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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