My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
