She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
