true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
