My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
two words: eviction party
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
