Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to make a zoo with you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
