I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
