textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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