but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
