You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
