Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
