Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
third nipple confirmed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
