Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
