The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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