Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.

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(559): View more from California

I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.

(1-559): View more from California

Yup.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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(804): View more from Virginia

I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

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(818): View more from California

I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life

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(661): View more from California

the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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(614): View more from Ohio

The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

A simple 'no' would have sufficed

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(519): View more from Ontario

If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.

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