for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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