I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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