Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
