I am puke
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
