yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
