life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
