Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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