is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
