making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
