I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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