dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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