I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
