Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
