I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
