He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
