I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
