the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You took a bar mat shot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
