Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am midnight drunk by noon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
