im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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