ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
