I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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