you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
