sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
