He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
