if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
