so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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