So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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