My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
