i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
