Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
