I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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